Well. I graduated. All in all its quite surreal - but the time has come to move on to different things. Life is funny like that. I just keep moving, sometimes getting ahead of myself, other times hurrying to catch up with events. This sorta feels like the latter.

I have been so blessed by the people I have met in Pullman. People who made friends with little ol' awkward me - that girl who seemed incapable of social interaction in high school. I am blessed by the series of experiences this town has brought me - events that forced me to decide who I am, what I believe, and what I'm going to do about it. I am blessed by WSU in that I got to learn about some really cool brain candy things and got a diploma doing it.

Off to try my hand at this thing called life and adulthood. Here's hoping it goes well :)

moping

I'll admit it. I'm moping around. Sitting here in my computer chair, my afghan wrapped around me, wearing sweats, typing away. Today has been a series of putting one foot in front of another and not quite having the energy to do it.

I graduate tomorrow. Well, the ceremony is tomorrow anyway. In no way am I done. 4 exams and 1 paper to go before I can claim to feel free.

I feel like I should be out doing something exciting - celebrating or hanging out with friends. But...they're not home. And I can't do anything for fear of being an utter zombie tomorrow from lack of sleep.

I feel like I should be with Alana and the Brunners. But I can't do that either.

So...I'll finish a paper, drink a cup of cocoa, listen to some alt rock, play with some new actions on photoshop and contemplate going to bed. Tomorrow is a big day...or so I'm told.

I'll feel better in the morning.

yesterday I was reading in John as I have been doing this semester and I had a thought.

Just to back up - it has been a wonderful experience reading John slowly, and just getting to know the people and watching the interactions between them. You come into the book with John saying over and over that Jesus is the light - that he has come to illuminate us - our sin, our need - and to rescue us.

I so want to know the tone with which Jesus uses when he speaks to people. When Mary and Martha say to Jesus "if you had been here he would not have died". What are they thinking?

John keeps showing us that Jesus is backing himself up. He's showing evidence. He is the Son of Man and God is his father. He is the Messiah. Open your eyes, because He's speaking.

So. back to yesterday. I'm in John 13. Jesus knows the end is near. He's going to be leaving in a matter of a day or two. He knows the weight of what must be done, the pain he will experience, and I'm sure all the human being in him is screaming against it. But is he moping or wandering off or being cynical or angry? no...

"Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love" John 13:1b

Jesus is washing his disciples feet. He's eating the Passover dinner with them. He is loving his friends and being a servant to them.

As I finished the chapter and read that Judas had left to betray Jesus a thought bubbled to the surface.

"Jesus, don't go. You can't die. I want you to stay."

I treasure that thought. That brief moment when all the Bible reading wasn't for knowledge, but just to get to know this man. To savor the presence of a person who was so different from you and me but who understands us fully - that he had to be our Savior.

I want that thought to stay.

who put all the engagement pills in the water? goodness.

congrats to all you kids getting engaged! We're all just jealous of the good time you're having.

:)

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Its been kind of a different Thanksgiving break - lots to think about and prepare for. I feel very unprepared for the next few weeks to come and no motivation to change that. I feel afraid to move back home - that I

will become the person I was before I left. I feel overwhelmed by the number of individuals who are in relationships, getting engaged, having babies - and the fact that I'm moving back in with my parents. I feel excitement for the next stage. I feel sad too - I think I'm already missing the people I will leave in Pullman.

Thanksgiving was chill - just the Kimes, the Klindworths,

and the Millers. Grandma, Grandpa and their two daughters and their families. Of course we had tons of delicious food (candied yams??!!! EEE!), played Whist with Grandma, played Halo ODST with the brother and cousins, and just hung out. I definitely almost lapsed into a food coma at 6 o'clock.

Oh and the cousins - they're growing up so fast

. Or maybe its just that I haven't been

around much the past 4 and 1/2 years. Either way, they're hitting adolescence at full speed.

Thanksgiving Break playlist so far:

"The Great Exchange" Thrice

"Nothing, Then" Punch Brothers
"Into the Mystic" Once soundtrack

"New Romantic" Laura Marling
"There Is So Much More" Brett Dennen

It is good to be home. To breath this air. To sleep till 9. To run in the mornings. To be with the people I love and who love me.

ok...now this week is officially the craziest ever.

I drove home today. I was the last girl at the house because I had to go bury the two ratties and then didn't think it would be too safe to try the pass at night. So, I just chilled at the Rock until early Sunday morning. [on a side note...that house is so creepy without 11 other people in it. The furnace turns on and the whole house shifts. back to the story.] So I headed out of Pullman at 7:30, intent on getting home before sundown.

It had snowed the night before and I didn't have my traction tires so getting out of Pullman was a little interesting, but after about Dusty the snow was gone and it was just high winds and rain. I got Ellensburg as scheduled, got my coffee, and headed towards the pass.

Things were going swell. The road appeared clear, everybody was driving at a reasonable speed, and I was happy to be heading home.

I went to pass a semi 3 miles out of Cle Elum and hit a patch of slush that was near invisible. So at 70 miles an hour, my car started sliding to the left. I just remember saying "God, help..." and getting ready for pain. Snow smashed into the wind shield and I felt the car slide off the road into the median, spinning.

When I opened my eyes, there I sat, pointing in the direction I had been driving, smack dab in the middle of the snow covered median. My coffee had spilled...but that was it. Why didn't my car flip over? I would think it would have at that speed, headed down into a snow bank...

But nope. My first thought? Oh crap. my parents are going to be thrilled. So I call Dad, because bless him, he is always there to answer the phone, and ask for the tow truck number. But wait...can I just drive out? The snow was pretty deep...but I try...and my car budges. And after driving back and forth in the blasted median, my car breaks free and I shakily drive back onto I-90.

It was only after I got out that I just about burst into tears...I prayed for protection before I left and I received it. There wasn't anything wrong with the car as far as I could see, and all I had was a coffee stain on my pants. And "Sing to Jesus" was playing on my iPod when I felt safe enough to turn it on again.

Psalm 107:19-21

¹⁹ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

²⁰ He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.

²¹ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.

what a week...

Things sometimes just compound on themselves. Not really for any reason. Not luck. Just...because.

I had to take Reese to the vet hospital today. She was Alana's rat - Franklin's mother. We found her last night with her head permanently tilted to the left, just turning and leaning to the left. We would pick her up and she would just flip over. After talking to my dad it was narrowed down to either a middle ear problem or a brain tumor.

so, after permission from Alana all the way over in Uganda, I ended up at the vet hospital. again.

So in some weird, dark poetic thing, Franklin and his mom are buried in Palouse.

I know they are just rats, but they were important to somebody.

I'm starting to feel like the rat grim reaper.